SO it’s been 10 years of washing, cooking and cleaning for the same man, who much to your chagrin has yet to make an honest woman out of you. Sure the law acknowledges you as his ‘wife’ when it comes to property rights, but deep inside there is a longing to exchange rings before man and God, and to bear his name.
You have already identified the wedding gown and put your friends and family on standby for that prospective wedding, but from where you are sitting, it’s obvious that the chance of securing an ‘I do’ from your commitment phobic man is as slim as having the camel pass through the eye of the needle.
So now you and your tortured soul are forced to deal with the regret of having wasted your most fertile years, and more than anything else, you just want to know why you have not been considered marriage material although you have been faithfully performing your wifely duties over the years.
“A lot of people living together, it’s a matter of convenience. It’s cheaper, it provides all kinds of added benefits — you get laundry services, you don’t have to travel for sex,” said counselling psychologist Dr Leahcim Semaj of men who string women along.
But apart from convenience, here are some other reasons why he may not have asked you to marry him:
1. He is happy with the way things are.
Everyone already assumes you are both married because you basically have a good thing going on. You have children together, you understand your roles in the relationship, he is accepted by your family and his parents are just crazy about you too. To him, marriage could potentially mess everything up at this point. After all, why fix something if it’s not broken?
2. He is not the marrying type.
He has probably told you this before, but you have convinced yourself that you can change his mind. You felt that showing him your wifely qualities would have done the trick and you were hoping that you could wear down his resistance with your love. However, if a guy tells you from the onset that he doesn’t ever want to get married, then walk away, ’cause he more than likely has no intention of changing his mind.
3. His family doesn’t approve.
A man’s mother will have a huge say in the selection of his prospective wife, so if his mother or the other women in his life (aunts, sisters etc) can’t get along with you, then you can drop the whole idea of enjoying wedded bliss with your current beau.
4. You are a liability.
He has probably calculated your assets and liabilities in his mind and has concluded that while things are good with you at the moment, you will probably run him into too much debt if he dates you for too long or worse yet, makes you his wife. This is probably because you are too high maintenance or you have not shown him how you plan to make a meaningful contribution to the relationship and your future development as a couple, with your student loans, car loan and monthly obligation to loan sharks.
5. You nag too much.
Men generally hate women who nag them and it is even worse if you try to change them. That is one of the biggest mistakes a woman can make. After living with your nagging for so long, a man would probably feel that making you his wife is too much of an affirmation that he approves of your attitude.
6. He is afraid of commitment.
It could be that his parents divorced when he was young, or he himself has gone through a stressful divorce, but for whatever reason, he is still dealing with the psychological effects of witnessing a messed up relationship first hand. If he has shown you that he truly loves and respects you, but he seems terrified of making that big plunge, probably you can help by getting him some professional counselling.
7. He doesn’t want to come off the market.
Not that marriage has ever stopped a cheater from seeking out willing prey, but the fact that he is married will signal to most people that he is already taken. Your boyfriend probably doesn’t want to risk the slightest chance of another girl turning him down on the grounds that he has pledged his life to someone else.